Depression Hurts

You may have heard that saying before on TV commercials. I can tell you that it’s true. Over the last two months I have felt depression like no other time in my life. Like most everyone else, I have felt “down” before. Just been “bummed for a day or so, but it always passed rather quickly. But now I didn’t want to get out of bed in the mornings, why should I? I was getting nowhere in my job, my kids were fighting all the time, I was sure my wife was seeing other guys, I’m past 45 and I don’t get noticed by those 20 something girls anymore… the list goes on and on. So there were days that I just didn’t get up. Being a sales rep I don’t have to be at the office, heck I pretty much make my own hours! So nobody will miss me if I don’t show up! They would call and leave a message on my cell and I would call them back and make it sound like I was working all the while I was home under the covers watching westerns on TV. I just didn’t care! I ate and gained weight (bet some of you will be surprised to learn that I now weigh 212 pounds!) and lost a lot of energy and that just adds to the depression. You are what you eat, and I was a big piece of candy. But, I did not care. I just wanted to be left alone. I wanted the old days back. They were safe and like a 30 min sit-com they always had a happy ending. I didn’t play with the kids much, I didn’t go ride my horse much, I didn’t talk to my friends much. I just wanted to be left alone and feel sorry for myself. I thank God that I never got to the point that I wanted to end my life though. The funny thing was, when I did work and would go into a doc’s office, I was able to be happy and funny like nothing was wrong! My wife kept telling me that I needed to talk to my doctor about this but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want help but inside I was screaming for it. Finally two weeks ago, I had a sore throat and when I looked in the mirror and said “Ahhhhh” I saw what looked like those puss pocket things I get with strep throat, so I called the doc and made the appointment. While I was there waiting (and waiting and waiting and….well you get the idea!) I decided I would just bring up the depression in side talk. Maybe like “speaking of depression, three nuns walk into a bar…” or maybe use the old “I have this friend that’s depressed…” I had no idea why I was embarrassed but it was really hard for me to say anything. Finally the doc came in and just my luck, he was sick! It seemed like he was more concerned with how he was feeling than on what was going on with me. Now I like this guy, he’s the son of my original doc, and he’s about three years out of all his training and maybe mid 30’s I’d guess, but inside I was screaming again “It’s about me!!” He looked in my mouth and told me that it looked like calcium deposits but he had never seen any so big before. He prescribed an antibiotic and then asked to look again. He was impressed with the size. “No big deal to me, just felt like a piece of popcorn when it gets stuck in there” I told him. Then I said, “Can I ask you something?” I began to perspire. “I’ve been feeling kind of down…really kind of depressed…not I wanna kill myself kind…but really depressed…” That was it. I had said it! Now just give me a pill and I’ll be fine! “How depressed is “kind of”” he asked. So I took a breath and told him about blowing off work, not trusting anyone, feeling sorry for myself all the time. He looked in my chart for a few minutes then asked when this all started. Trying to be funny I told him “When I got your bill!” Dead silence. So I then told him about 2 months ago. Again he looked thru my chart. Then he told me he’d be right back and exited the room. Great I wondered, why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut? This is all Yvette’s fault, she made me tell him. Doc came back in the room with a book and after thumbing thru it for a sec asked if I was still taking the high blood pressure meds that he prescribed for me in Nov. I said yes. He then said “ok stop them as of today. I want to see you in 2 weeks and we’ll check your pressure and re-evaluate then.” That’s it?? All this from that one small pill? Well according to the book he checked, this med can cause depression, and guess what…it does! I have been off it for 2 weeks now and it’s amazing how much brighter the world is! I’m doing well in my job (seems that I was right along even playing hooky a few days) my kids don’t get under my skin as much and my wife still only has eyes for me (seems she always did!). But those 20 something girls still don’t check me out! Oh well, who needs THAT drama anyway?? Last night I pulled out the old treadmill and am going to start working with it tonight. I gotta get my girlish figure back in shape for the summer!! I go back to the doc tomorrow and we’ll see what my pressure is, but as for right now my outlook is sunny days ahead!
All day, baby…ALL DAY!!!